Duelling with Depression!

I could launch into a long rant about how insidious depression is and how it affects more people now than ever before, etc., etc., but I am sure that you've all read that before and, anyway, there are far more informed people out there flooding the net with scientific information about depression.  What I can tell you is my own personal experience because I know that better than anyone else, and hopefully, you can take away a glimmer of hope for yourself or someone else from my brief story.

I have been battling depression for more than 20 years, but didn't acknowledge it until recently. I went through a traumatic marriage and divorce and was left on my own with three small boys to care for. I focused everything on them and it was only when they had left school and were spreading their wings that I finally took a look at me - and didn't like what I saw.  

Oh what a beast this depression is!! The lies it tells you! The way it wants to destroy your soul, eat at your joy and ruin your relationships! It causes you to lash out at the people you care about and who care about you. It convinces you that life really is worthless, that, you, in fact, are worthless and that everyone around you will be much better off without you because you are nothing more than a burden to them! 

It lies! And you do not have to let it win! Nor do you have to battle it alone! I went for counselling with my pastor and really came to accept myself - even like myself - in my head and heart. I knew I was God's kid and that He, the Creator of the Universe loved me just as I was ... so why did I still feel so miserable! I finally decided to stop trying to be 'tough' and went to a doctor who explained about seratonin and put me on anti-depressants. My life changed for the better - what an amazing difference!

But I didn't call this piece "duelling" depression for nothing! It's an ongoing battle. I tried weaning myself off my medication - big mistake, very big mistake.......  

I went spiralling right back down to where I'd been before. I felt like I was been tossed around on the rocks of despair and yet there really wasn't anything wrong with my life! To make matters worse my hormones had now decided to get in on the act probably as a result of my approaching 50'hood and hysterectomy last year. Oh! Wow! Anyway, suffice it to say, I am now back on medication - for depression and hormone imbalance and life is slowly starting to return to normal. Richard Bach once wrote "You teach best what you most need to learn" and that is truly the case with me and my self-esteem issues.